CHAPTER VI

Mini-Lesson: How to Avoid "Telling You're Telling"

Another common mistake young student writers make is explaining what they are doing within an essay or response. Here's an example:

"My topic sentence will be The Big, Bad Wolf was a serious, threatening villain. What follows is my first key point: he was relentless as he pursued the first two pigs without giving up. Some evidence to show this is that even after he couldn't blow down the brick house, he didn't quit. He even tried climbing down their chimney. Another important point is that the Wolf also had amazing powers. Let me explain that. Most animals would be incapable of blowing down any physical structure with just their breath, even if they were made of straw or sticks. He blew two entire houses down! Finally, my third idea is going to be that the villain was a predator, with long fangs and claws. To elaborate on this further, to a little pig this would be terrifying, as they are beneath him on the food chain. So, in my conclusion, that's why he was a serious, threatening villain."

Notice how self-conscious the writing is. It is as if the writer is afraid that the reader won't understand that they are hitting all of their structural marks. Unfortunately this only bogs down the writing and makes it feel stilted, choppy, and overly conversational. It comes across as if the writer is peeking between the lines of the text, or even apologizing because they are insecure that their ideas aren't strong.

Instead, just make your point, give it several 4ESSDs, and move on.

But wait a minute. I thought we were supposed to use transitional phrases? Doesn't "in conclusion" and transitions like "first" and "finally" help the reader to move from one idea to another?

Yes they do. But don't confuse using good and helpful transitions with "telling you're telling." Try to avoid writing fragments like:

"... And now I'm going to tell you..."
"... My first point is..."
"... Now that you understand about this, let's take a look at that...
or
"... So that's what I think about..."

but transitions like these ones are just fine:

"... first..."
"... Additionally..."
"...As a result of..."
or
"...in conclusion..."

The difference between "Telling you're telling" and good transitions is that the writer inserts themselves into the text in an almost conversational tone with words like "you" and "I."

In formal academic writing you should let your ideas stand on their own.

Here's a helpful link for some great transitions that DO work: Here.

That's it. Here we go...


____________________________________________________


ASSIGNMENTS

Vocabulary Words:

solicitude
rheumatism ("-icky")
parcel
balmy
obliquely

Journal Questions:

1. MAKE OR BREAK RELATIONSHIPS. In a survival situation, what kinds of relationships a character forms with others may hold the key to whether they survive or die.

A. AN ALLIANCE. Name two characters who appear to have formed an alliance. Support your idea with evidence from the text. Speculate as to why have they appeared to have formed a bond. (one paragraph)

B. A DISLIKE. Name two characters who appear to not like each other very much. Support your idea with evidence from the text. Speculate as to why have they appeared to have a strained relationship. (one paragraph)

C. A LONER. Name one character who appears to be going it alone, neither attempting to form alliances nor making any enemies. Support your idea with evidence from the text. Speculate as to why have they appeared to have chosen to avoid forming relationships with others. (one paragraph)


2. *BONUS QUESTION - ANIMAL METAPHORS. Agatha Christie uses the metaphor of the characters being like frightened animals in a cage. She specifically describes several characters as appearing or acting like particular animals, repeating the same metaphorical creature assigned to each character throughout the book.

Name one character who is described like an animal. Which character and which animal? Support your idea with evidence from the text. Why does she choose to assign this particular animal's attribute's to this particular character? How does it help tell the story?

You may need to got back to look into previous chapters. (one paragraph)