INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPHS EXAMPLES

Good

Star Wars: The Force Awakens directed by J. J. Abrams is a film about an orphaned girl named Rey on the planet of Jakku who attempts to bring the map to Luke Skywalker to a group of freedom fighters called the Resistance. While some might believe that the prominent theme of the movie is about awakening versus forgetting, the truth is that the main theme focuses on redemption versus abandonment.

-          Covers all of the rubric’s expectations

Better

In J. J. Abrams’ record-breaking blockbuster Star Wars: The Force Awakens a traitorous First Order Stormtrooper with a conscience, Finn, must help Rey use the secret plans to find the missing Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. No doubt many would believe the dominant theme mentioned in the title is about awakening (and forgetting), but the real thematic underpinnings of the space opera concerns the issues of redemption versus abandonment.

-          Varies the sentence structure

-          Uses more complex sentence structure

-          Demonstrates great word choices

-          Displays a voice that is controlled and specific

Best

A long time ago on a desert planet far, far away, a young, capable scrapper named Rey gets swept up into an intergalactic swashbuckler called Star Wars:  The Force Awakens.  J. J. Abrams deftly directs her journey from abandoned orphaned to space pilot to becoming a determined padawan Jedi apprentice as she attempts to locate the missing legend, Luke Skywalker.  Abram’s, along with Empire Strikes Back scribe Lawrence Kasdan (a University of Michigan alumnus) and veteran producer Kathleen Kennedy, weave a dramatic heart through a myriad kaleidoscope of themes ranging from awakening/forgetting to faith/disbelief to worthiness/unworthiness. However, despite what others might believe, the strongest and most pertinent, emotionally-satisfying theme of the film by far concerns the concepts of redemption and with it, the opposite: abandonment. 

-          Demonstrates insider knowledge of the Star Wars universe through terminology

-          Develops the ideas more fully and completely

-          Sentences contains a structure and rhythm that demonstrates mastery of language